I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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