My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
