Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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