i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My ass is underappreciated
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
