new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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