Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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