And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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