She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
