you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
