chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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