woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
