you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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