I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
