you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
