i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
