I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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