This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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