he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
