So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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