a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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