Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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