guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
