My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
