For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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