dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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