i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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