im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
