So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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