I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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