I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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