Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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