So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
