We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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