I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
