Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
