remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
