You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize