i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just gargled with NyQuil
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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