Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize