i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
