The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
