Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
