To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
