I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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