sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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