awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and she was petting her beer can
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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