I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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