You smell like stripper and shame
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
