Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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