I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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