I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
