My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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