there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
