And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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