; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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