great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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