cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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