my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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