Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
